Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Monday, 29 December 2008
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Friday, 26 December 2008
This is my first sober post, and i am feeling
enough smiling through enough smiling singing singing through smiling standing sit smiling through through smiling sit happy sad smiling sit portugese urge founder sit smiling sad ness wheeze hadouken 17:19
have you felt this moment
are you feeling
am i i am we standing sit not knowing you sleep in english
pause purse pur cunt he said it it sad he way with
tab tabbing words
I can only write up and down left and write on a computer, can't sprawl, cross out, colour it in
limited expression,,, explode withing structure,, urging for more,,,,,,, this is no longer therapy,,,,,,,,,,,,,, just change and process this is is is not not is is is
sky fart into brecches of adam and more than paint
darling can't oh yoouu allmoost bbbb brwak breal break beak sense small tit
could go on for ages, but want 56 times to cut a fire in half life great gethsemane plaguees and plagued th e only 67 rabbit fuck mead break a bad bread habit
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Monday, 22 December 2008
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Friday, 5 December 2008
go spew on me on how please many all can languages go break my line you're line
piss oh piss this is all shit really, I can't tell where Capitalism begins and ends, can anyone stop me soffucating in my own views perception thoughts bullshit hell belief
it sucks doesn't it
help! I mean it regardless of the exclamation chant aman aman please fucking help me climb or fall, I don't care
cunts I am a product, system shut meltdown baby read this somewhere and tell them its true that I didn't have a fucking clue cuss
this language won't do
poo on you
wanna try and stop me?
fucking bac, would you have taken once and for all if it got 1 star! bullshit you cunts, I'll come to your fucking scratch discussion, and die
I do't want saving
erotic baby act
sweet 7yr old pussy drip into my mouth then kill
I'll shove this carlsberg export straight up you and it will hurt
cross justice bright baby
Crank me up
get the fuck
because who knows what we're doing?
art amplifies like just better
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
see many posts here baby just another night in nantes
this is private for you
boo boo beee do
it is really such a long time to gqamble
I love you\
I love you
i love you
yes you, honestly do
this house stinks,
i'm creating so much fucking noise its a joke
fuck me, all of you
sing for me
yeah andrew you did good there we'll see who takes what
i am the hangovernogaps people theres one thatssoinborn nottoleavegapsihavetoconciouslydoitmhselfbutoncei'vestarteddoingititslesshardwhereusthesenseay
a a a a r r r g g g g hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppppppppupupupupuppupupupupupupupupupupupuuppu
do me bitch
Monday, 24 November 2008
Friday, 21 November 2008
Thursday, 20 November 2008
It's so weird writing when your blog is public and when it is private, so different, well, I think boys and girls, I'm gonna make it private again, erm, for, well, because, it's easier for me, to write privately, because there are certain people who read this and, you see, I'm justifying shit already, but don't worry, come January I'll blow this all into the public sphere
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
I SEE IT ALL
and nothing mylove
here we go, vangelis is playing, im drunk how can icommunicate this feeling in words?
well lets not communicate
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Monday, 17 November 2008
so i'm just wandering whether theatre should produce or create an instant state of Nostalgia, like, I'm thinking about 'Traces' and 'Once and for all....' and kind of thinking about the sense of like loss and nostalgia, thinking like, I'm not with them, there is a gap between us, but its beautiful, kind of seeing your life as meaningless because you've just seen everything you saw at that point or wanted to see or needed to see, wow, O.k so I think this might actually be the start of a blogpost, like its been a while and i must apoligise to Tom for getting his name wrong in the previous post I was quite drunk, and like poetic and that, and so, I've just completed the first week of Rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast at South Hill Park, very interesting kind of Politically for me, especially coming straight from heymathew, I was telling Tom tonight that it is like changing frequency's, like, because, I'm changing place, London to Bracknell, I'm changing mode of Performance, or type of Performance, and i'm changing people, so I kind of have to Tune in to this new frequency.
Funny, I was speaking to some people the other day who compared to writing blog posts to publishing things, so one needed to censor things, because your publishing things publicly, and how, as we are all working with young people in B and B, like what you put on your blog could affect your professional working life, which I think is a real shame that people think it has to be like that and that everyone one is out to get you, so I'm gonna try something
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt
O.k so, hey I was just looking at that line and for a few moments all the words seemed different, but anyway, I suppose I'm trying to argue for an Anti-Capitalist space in that line, like, If I called that line poetry or art or performance, then it would be o.k, because I call it art, but what If I don't call it any of those things, just leave it there, to, and how about this one,
Its so fucking scary writing that word, just to see it there, and to think its just comprised from letters of the alphabet, whoa its mental, and I want to make it clear that I'm not publishing any of this, I'm just laying it down and sharing it with some friends, because I don't think the normal rules should apply here, like theatre, this is a different place, its o.k here, this is an interim step into getting rid of fear, like fear that people will get ya if you say stuff, Its o.k here, we can say whatever the hell we like, the scarier the better,
Thursday, 6 November 2008
can i write for 15 minutes without stop just keep on writing with no punctuatioon i'm listening to liza gerrard its not quite there me that is is she is, oh there was an involuntury piece of punctuation jacks gone jacks out i have the keys 13 more minutes and who the fuck is gonna read this any way, can you not here the music, i got sick of the spaces so want to create put words in soace check out Tom weber, to http://tomasjohnweber.bogspot.com am i here can you see hear keep up for 11 minutes m9m does this matter in disgusting remnant cigarette smoke a
I got distracted by some
Thursday, 30 October 2008
Monday, 20 October 2008
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Just a quick thought on capitalism, these posts on the system will be quick and fleeting, as its such a colossal subject I can only deal with one aspect of it at a time, I was just likening drug addiction as a microcosm for capitalism.
So it starts by putting something in you, using cocaine as an example, it basically generates a need, or what the body mistakes as a need. Oh this is going to ramble, perfect, ok so starting again. I was thinking about children's T.V, in this case 'Power rangers', which was such an obsession for me, as it was for many of my friends, and how that program is all centered on violence, fighting, power... so as soon as I started liking it I wanted to watch more, and buy the figures, buy the books; it's making money out of children's and kids desires, which it put there in the first place.
I was basically thinking about If I had a kid, how I would want to bring him/her up, and the balance between introducing your child to information and letting them find it themselves, which they inevitably will, and wanting them to have choice... but they can only choose between the things presented to them, and if Capitalism is doing that presenting, then where is the choice?
It goes back to the whole 'mankind is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains'
being born into a system means you are born into a world which chooses the choices you are presented with, I mean how crazy and violent is it to expect a human being to start making choices about what they want to do with the rest of their life at the age of 13 (choosing between studying geography and Italian)
who made the choice in that system that the two things are binary?
The really horrible thing then, which I'm trying to get at, is that Capitalism sends out the message that 'we all have a choice' but it's giving us the things to choose between, it's putting the information in us which makes that choice...
and while I'm on the subject of Capitalism, I feel its important to make clear, that Capitalism is people, its not some fortress we can storm, it's a way of thinking which is put into us from an early age, the concept of winning and losing for example, playing football from 5 years old which is telling you to WIN, and those who win are rewarded, be the best etc as if just being wasn't complicated and wonderful enough...
no I'm not going to stop here, I'm going to talk about PROFESSIONALISM, and that is another iconic example of what capitalism puts into you, how one must be professional, and forsake one's own imperfections and emit a perfect, infallible persona, which is working purely to keep the cogs of Capitalism turning.
So that you can't cry in board meetings, or fart, or scream, or shit, or stab yourself in the hand with your fountain pen, because that deems you unprofessional, or mad, and denies you the right to have a purely genuine, beautiful outburst of human emotion, so I'm saying that Capitalism quashes humanity, to keep people working in a crazy system which is now completely out of hand, its producing more than it can cope with, so it has to create more demand, so advertising gets even more agressive, subvertive, and the most infuriatingly suicidal thing about the system is that
every one is doing the best they can, with the information they've got
including me, so where are we getting our information?
So I want to make it clear, and this is the horrible beauty of Capitalism, that no one can be blamed, the system is self perpetuating, fuck knows how it got like this, because everyone is doing their best, even those who drop out of the system, one must ask, well why did they drop out? Where is their information coming from?
O.K so know I'll talk about why I believe that theatre, art, poetry, music, anything which at essence has no economic function or use, is for me, the only way of change, because as soon as something becomes product, which is sellable, we have problems, which is why funding for the arts is so fucking important, because your producing things which won't sell, or you should be, for me its all about questions, lets just ask each other questions, and read, and have a conversation, lets bounce stuff around, and see where we go, which is what I'm asking in this blog.
and I'm listening to Jacques Brel who's great and I like Walt Whitman and I love my friends Tom and Chris, because not only are they my great friends they are so fucking important to us all because what they are doing, and we may not see it in our lifetimes, but they are changing Capitalism, for sure... through layering, multiple points of entry and exit, shotgun
through language and the spaces between the new form out of language take away the conjuctives make new bold to smithereens beautiful ugliness grass green glass for sure here no yellow blue can't will bur have you alays...
lots of love folks
Thursday, 16 October 2008
O.k so I've just decided to actually write my first post, this is coming from a long chain reaction of thoughts, starting with deciding to create a blog seeing as so many thoughts were crystallizing and then dissapating tonight, and it was really exciting, then I got quite more drunk and couldn't be bothered to do it, and now I am, because I just had the revelation of wanting it to actually be quite dissapointing, like, mediocre or bad writing, just to take the pressure off the notion of blog posts being product, and to make sure mine are process, like, I think this is quite badly written, which is O,K, its fine, it doesn't have to be well written, it can be whatever I want it to be, and right now, this is it, actually its not, I want it to be well written, but where does that want come from?
what is good writing as opposed to bad
I'm gonna leave it
spellling mistakes and all
laters, and just so you know
I love you